I am a chronic liar. I have a lot of trouble with telling the truth because lies just seem to come very naturally to me. These lies come in many forms.
Sometimes it is a situational lie. I'm not proud of something I did, or am afraid that someone I love will dissaprove. Therefore I lie about it.
Sometimes it's a story lie. Someone has told me a story or is talking about an idea or a principle and before I know it I'm telling a story that relates or exemplifies their subject. The problem is, that story is often untrue. It either never happened, or is so completely embellished that it retains very little similarity to the event it is based upon.
Sometimes it's a lie to cover another lie. I get caught in a lie, but rather than confess and admit my problem, I lie again.
As I said, these lies come very naturally to me, and I'm not sure why. As far back as I can remember I have lied to everyone I know and love with little forethought or planning. All of the thinking comes after, when I regret what I've said or finally become so tangled in the web that I cannot escape.
I do go to confession, but I know I don't go often enough. And it never seems to change. I hate the lies and I hate that I'm hurting the people I love (even though they don't know I'm lying), and most of all I hate that I'm hurting God.
But, today, I read a prayer that helped me understand why I lie. It is the Litany of Humility, which I found on the Laughing All the Way blog. All of the things it prays for are reasons why I lie. I desperately want all of the desires and am desperately afraid of all the fears. I recognize in this prayer such a perfect picture of myself that I nearly wept as I read it.
Lord, let me keep this prayer in my heart. Let me start again this minute, and 'go and sin no more'. Let me be contrite of heart for the sake of my love for you. Imperfect though it is, I offer my life and love for you. Guide my heart and guard my lips that I may glorify only you. Let the Litany of Humility become the litany of my life. Amen.
